I became a therapist because I wanted to know how to be there for people, how to respond in a way that is helpful. I wanted to know what the right things were to say, and I wanted to understand people’s stories. So, I did- I became a therapist, and I learned all the things I wanted to learn. The reason I am working as a therapist now is for those moments of healing in my office. The moments of human connection.
As I sit in my office, I look up at the man in front of me. He is a muscular, manly, man, covered in tattoos with a big beard to keep him warm in the winter. He is crying. He is crying the tears of his younger self, tears that have lived with him for decades. He is feeling pain he has been trying to escape most of his life. As his story unfolds, we realize that this pain is an old pain that has been passed down in his family for generations. It is no one’s fault, it is just the cycle of trauma spinning its way through family systems. And then the familiar, destructive path of avoidance through drugs, women, and fighting. But suddenly- here he is, the little boy inside of him. I know he needs comfort, and he will have to learn to give it to himself. As he starts comforting himself, he begins to feel hopeful. He can feel the hopefulness in his head, his chest, and his arms. He can see and understand his path, and he knows what he needs to do. He has the skills. He can break the cycle. We go over time, because I have it and I want to honor him, I want to honor this moment. I want him to know that he is important and that he does not need to rush. He is here to work and so am I. He is getting healthier in front of me, the cycle of intergenerational trauma is breaking. We make eye-contact. I see you. You are important.
I go home to my kids and family. I am happy to be with them and love them. Will I pass on an intergenerational wound to them? May be. I hope not. But if I do, I hope they find someone to talk to that they can feel safe with. A human connection that they can relax into and find healing.
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